You Won't Be Mine
by KaT aka Mistress Shinigami
Summary: 6x9; Zechs's hands are bloodied from the war-a runaway prince turned revengeful ace pilot. His burdens are his alone to bear...Noin thinks differently....please r & r!!!!


A/N: Well would you lookie here…another Zechs and Noin fic from me!!! This is to the awesome, but sad Matchbox 20 song, "You Won't Be Mine." Oh yeah, and this is from Zechs's POV

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. I also do not own the song "You Won't Be Mine." 

"You Won't Be Mine"

Take your head around the world

See what you get from your mind

I pride myself for being an honorable person. Chivalry runs deeper in my veins than even the Peacecraft blood…Peacecraft blood which I am unworthy of claiming. A hunted prince turned revengeful ace pilot is nothing to be proud of. If I am known for anything, let me be known for my deeply rooted gallantry. Perhaps I can deny my bloodied hands and dirtied soul, and pretend I am pure once more; but no, I haven't been pure since I was a child.

            Twice I have been deprived of death. I should have fell heroically along with my father, refusing to fight: a pacifist 'til the end. I should have been a martyr for peace, staying beside my mother as her life-blood pooled from her broken body. Or perhaps next to my father, who, even in his last moments of life, remained elegant and regal. I was shorn of death, and, blessing or curse, I lived through the fall of the Sank kingdom. 

            As if that wasn't enough, Death chose to mock me yet again. I had been stranded in Epyon's cockpit, dead sure those would be my last moments. Ironic, isn't it? In a war full of death, the one person who couldn't find it was I. It was terribly ironic, paradoxical, wry, cynical and totally and utterly humorless. I was never the superstitious one, but it seemed there was something I had yet to do. Why else would my attempted flirtations with Death end without results?

            That was when the Mariemeia rebellion began. It seemed I had found my calling…as long as any part of Treize remained a threat to humanity I had to be there to stop it. I guess it was merely coincidence, then, that caused me to meet up with Lucrezia Noin once again. I should have known she would want to stop the upcoming war, too. 

            But I didn't have any excuse for allowing her to come with me on the Mars Terraforming project. Mars was something I should go into alone, to try and erase myself of everything from my past. Start on a clean slate, but keep the memories inside. It's not that I didn't want Noin with me. Gods, she was my best friend; of course I wanted her with me! But it didn't matter what I wanted, in all honesty. I was doing what was best for her. You may think selflessness from me is a strange thing, but I have no love of myself. That makes it all the more easy, to give my love to another. In all honesty I found nothing wrong with that…except, I don't deserve her love in return.

Write your soul down word for word

See who's your friend, who is kind

It's almost like a disease

The Terraforming, despite popular doubt, had gone well. Actually, it had gone exceedingly well. After three and a half years of work up in Mars, quite frankly, we weren't needed anymore. I remember that had made Noin smile, and I was reminded of science class: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I found myself returning her smile. 

            The Preventers decided to construct a base on Mars to try and control terrorists and criminals populating the red planet. Noin and I were offered top jobs for that particular branch, but Noin had requested a position on Earth. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I found myself going with her. Even now, living on Earth for three months, my skin still was not washed of that impious red dust.

            I suppose I can honestly admit I like my job. Wufei and Sally are also working at the same base, so things are definitely lively, what with Wufei's dry sarcasm and Sally's equally odd humor, I must admit I even enjoy myself. Then again, I always enjoy myself when I'm with Noin.

            Duo had gone back to L2 with that girl, Hilde. I still couldn't believe that petite woman was the one who was able to steal data from the battleship Libra. Trowa, as far as I know, was still participating in the circus. Quatre was running his father's company…most likely to pay penance for the fighting he had done when his father was so adamantly pacifist. I suppose he deemed it the right thing to do. 

            I know Heero Yuy's been working as my little sister's bodyguard. For some reason I feel this should disturb me, and yet it doesn't. She is being protected by the best there is, even if he was once my nemesis. I never hated the boy, truthfully; he was a strong opponent. But he had been standing in my way, and that made him my enemy.

            Noin had stood in my way once, inside that white Taurus she fought with. That moment had seemed so surreal she had merely stood there, refusing to fire at me, and yet refusing to allow me by. In those final seconds she had reminded me of my mother and father: they had stood their ground, not fighting, but refusing to step down. 

            I had been ashamed of myself for not killing her. I had been spineless, and utterly cowardly, but—gods, I have no idea what I would have done if I _had_ killed her. That would have been the biggest folly of my life, and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.

            No matter how hard I tried, all these "what if's" plagued my waking hour, and the more I tried, the more I began to understand that this must be my curse. Well, not so much a curse as atonement. I had done the crime, and it was my duty to take the punishment. It was what I deserved, and like I said, I'm principled, and will take whatever's dished out to me. And that's why I had to do this…

            I had to let her go.

I know soon you will be over the lies 

and you'll be strong.

You'll be rich in love and you will carry on

but no—oh no

No you won't be mine

            It wasn't fair for me to hold her back and weigh her down. She deserved to live a lovely, full life now that the war was over, but did she? No, she stubbornly refused to give up; even after all I put her through. 

            Just the other night, after a particularly horrendous workday, Noin had taken my hands in hers, gazing at me with utmost sincerity. She had admitted she was in love with me, and the simple way the words rolled off her lips had surprised me. It was like she was meant to say that…like she was meant to be here with me, and we were meant to love one another.

            I told her I could never love her. Not her, specifically…but I said I was unable of loving. And then I had left the room, leaving her sitting alone in the empty living room. 

            Back then, mere hours ago, I had assumed I was doing the right thing. She deserved someone so much better, and I thought letting her go was the right thing…the noble thing. It was the cross I had to bear, the price of my revenge. 

            Hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do…but, inevitably, it's what I ended up doing. I told myself that, in the end, it would be better this way. And that is why I had lied to her. 

            Yes…those had been lies I spoke. I was capable of loving…that much had been so painfully revealed to me. Even more specifically, I was capable of loving her. Gods, I already did love her, and I wanted nothing more than to stay with her forever after. But it wouldn't be fair to her, as I have previously stated. I sound like a pathetic broken record…and I keep going around in circles. 

            Now I am standing outside her house in the dark of night, feeling the shadows cloaking me. But I don't feel safe like I normally do…now I feel vulnerable. I use a key from under the doormat to open the door silently, closing the house on the prying darkness.

            I really shouldn't be here…I have no reason to be here. 

Take your straight line for a curve, make it stretch

The same old line.

Try to find if it was worth what you spent 

Why you're guilty for the way you're feeling now.

It's almost like being free

            I can't be here to say goodbye…I don't _want_ to say goodbye. As much as I want to leave Noin, I'm too far-gone to turn back. And, in all honesty, I don't really want to leave. She means too much to me, I suppose. 

            I'm not here to ask forgiveness for my lies…

            Well, maybe I am. 

            With a wry smile, I run quickly, yet silently up the carpeted stairs. It is well past midnight, and I don't want to wake Noin right away. 

            I had said before that she deserved better, and I suppose she does, but I am in love with her…and that seems enough. Maybe that's selfish, but I don't think so. I am offering her everything I am, giving in completely to these new emotions coursing though my veins. Maybe she will purify me. 

            I see a form sit up as I walk into her room, and I wince as I realize I must have awoken her.

            "Zechs?" I hear her call, and it seems like the darkness of her bedroom muffles the sound slightly. 

            I replied with an equally soft, "It's me." 

            And while I am still acting on my emotions I walk swiftly over to her bedside and pull her into a tight embrace; I can feel her warm body against mine, and I can feel her heart beating a rhythm that's in time with mine. 

            "I love you," I whisper into her raven-colored hair, stirring the small locks that rested there. I'm not sure whether she smiled or cried at my statement, but I did feel her tighten her arms around me and press her face into the hollow of my neck.

            I find myself strangely glad that I no longer carry this burden alone; and she helps me willingly. This simple revelation causes my heart to swell with emotion, and I feel a tightening in the deep cavity of my chest. She's no longer alone.

            _I'm_ no longer alone. 

A/N: There are, truthfully, quite a few more lyrics that I did not use…because, in the end, the song is ultimately sad. I wanted this to be a happy fic, so I left about half the lyrics out. Hope no one minds…

Oh yeah, so how was this song fic/one-shot ficcie? I'm still working on Song of the Phoenix and my medieval story (which is still untitled, dangit!). 

Please send me your comments!!!!

luvvies, KaT aka Mistress Shinigami


End file.
